So, I'm back to life. Not long after the last post, we found out I was pregnant! This was great! Amazing! Long-awaited! I was thrilled beyond measure!
And it was awful, because pregnancy is like death to me, except for the part where I live through it and we get another child. I took the pregnancy test because I felt off, and then I think that day I started taking a nap every day. The past week included the first days I've successfully not napped since then. I purposely set out to not record this pregnancy, because, while I can't state strongly enough how grateful I am to have carried and birthed two healthy, loved, biological children, I also feel just terrible, mentally and physically, while I'm doing it. Last time I tried to record it, because that's what you do when you're pregnant! You're happy! This time I got counseling, and went to yoga, and did what I could to support myself. It didn't really help, but at least I had given myself permission not to blog about it.
But now, the night is over, the dawn has broken, and we are grateful to be settling in here with Almost 3 H and Baby TT in our new, permanent, Slightly Southern home. (The house isn't permanent, but the location is! Yay!) TT is fat (FAT!), happy, and mellow -- where H was small and sensitive, and I'm grateful TT is the one who arrived three weeks before we packed up and moved. (Well, we paid someone to pack up, but you get the idea.) I'm sad that the issue between us and another baby will likely be not finances, or desire, or fear of never sleeping through the night or spending time together (though that one is close), but it is the ability of me, and E, and our marriage to survive another pregnancy. But, I feel just as super human postpartum as I did last time. More, in fact, since I avoided a C-section. And this is a great time to feel super human.
